Leadership lessons from failure and accountability

At 33 years old, I took the corporate walk of shame. I had just been “laid off” from a role I loved. But the truth is, it wasn’t a layoff. It was a firing. I had made myself expendable. And it hit me in that very moment: I was the problem.

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In Brief:

• A personal story of being fired led to a breakthrough in leadership
• Accountability and self-awareness proved key to growth
• Facing inner doubts and critics helped change workplace behavior
• Colorado leaders can benefit by addressing mindset, not just skills

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I walked out of that termination meeting and called my mommy, crying. Who knew that moment would be the beginning of one of the most important leadership lessons of my life?

Most People Don’t Know When They’re the Problem

I didn’t. I always thought I was a strong performer. I believed I was direct, confident and honest. I got things done. I told it like it was. But what I couldn’t see back then was how reactive, defensive and sharp I had become, especially when things didn’t go my way. Or worst of all, when I received constructive criticism.

When people offered feedback, I pushed back. When someone challenged me, I talked louder. I didn’t realize that my behavior was damaging relationships and creating tension that others were too uncomfortable to address directly. That’s how I ended up out of a job.

Accountability Is the Hardest Kind of Growth

After that moment, I started reading books on leadership, communication and workplace behavior. One book shared “before and after” examples of professional behavior. I found myself reading the “before” columns and thinking, Who would act like this?
And then it clicked. That was me.

I had become the cautionary tale. And for the first time in my career, I stopped blaming others and took accountability for the way I showed up and the outcomes I experienced. It wasn’t their fault, it was my doing.

Change Happens When You Face What’s Underneath

As I began to reflect, I saw patterns. I realized how much my inner voice, what I call The Judge, also known as the inner critic, imposter syndrome or Achilles heel, was running the show. I was quick to react because I was protecting myself from feeling exposed or unprepared. I thought I had all the answers. I thought being vulnerable would make me look weak. I thought I was right and they were wrong.

So I hid behind intensity. I used it to cover my self-doubt and insecurities. And I didn’t even know I was doing it. I was so bathed in self-righteousness that I could see through my own disguise.

Over time, I learned how to recognize those moments, pause, and choose a different response. It didn’t happen overnight, but it changed everything about how I worked, how I led, and how people responded to me.

What I See Now in Other Leaders

I now work with executives and senior leaders who are under daily pressure. They’re in boardrooms, managing teams, making big decisions. On the outside, they regularly look calm and capable. But on the inside, many of them are dealing with the same internal chaos I once did.

They’re struggling with the fear of not being good enough. They’re carrying pressure they can’t (or won’t) talk about. And they don’t know how to ask for help without looking like they don’t belong in the seat they’re in.

It’s not about communication skills or leadership frameworks. It’s about mindset, awareness and emotional regulation. And it starts with being honest about what’s really going on.

It’s really about the internal conversations that hijack our thoughts, behaviors and actions.

What Colorado Business Leaders Can Take Away

Colorado is home to some of the most talented, driven professionals I’ve ever worked with. Many are navigating growth, managing complex teams, or leading organizations through change. But too often, leadership development focuses on the surface-level things: how to delegate, how to present, how to be “more strategic.”

The real transformation occurs when you confront what’s happening internally. The tension. The frustration. The fear of being exposed, not living up to your title, or worst of all, not living up to your own expectations.

You don’t need to be perfect. You just need to be willing to get real. That’s what leadership demands. And it’s the work that most people want to ignore. But you/then know damn well you can’t run away from it.

Darren Kanthal is the founder of The Kanthal Group, an executive coaching firm that specializes in helping senior leaders and private-equity-backed executives navigate leadership challenges. A former HR leader, he has coached hundreds of executives across industries to expand their leadership range, improve culture, and deliver results without burning out their teams. Darren draws on 20+ years of leadership and coaching experience, blending direct feedback with practical tools for growth. He lives in Denver, CO, and speaks regularly to business and technology leaders about values-based leadership and sustainable performance.