Supporting Infants and Toddlers Through Divorce: Why Stability Matters Most

As Colorado family law attorneys, we are often asked how to structure parenting time for infants and toddlers during and after divorce. While every family is unique, one principle remains consistent: stability and emotional security are essential for a young child’s development.

Infants and toddlers are not simply smaller versions of older children. They are in a critical stage of brain development, where caregiving routines, emotional safety, and secure attachments shape their future. Understanding this reality allows parents and courts to craft parenting plans that align with the “best interests of the child,” as required under Colorado law.

The First Three Years: A Time of Rapid Growth

By age three, a child’s brain reaches 80% of its adult size. This development is shaped by everyday experiences, particularly the consistency and quality of care. Secure attachment relationships help children feel safe, regulate emotions, and build a strong foundation for future learning and relationships.[1]

Separation or divorce during this stage can increase the risk of developmental disruption, particularly when there is conflict or inconsistent caregiving. [2] The goal must be to maintain stability in the child’s environment and relationships during this vulnerable time.

Overnight Parenting Time: What the Research Shows

Parenting schedules for infants and toddlers require special consideration. Studies suggest that frequent overnight separations from a primary caregiver before age two can disrupt attachment and increase stress.

The PIOS study (Parenting in the First Three Years) found that infants with frequent overnights away from a primary caregiver—especially in high-conflict situations—were more likely to show emotional distress and attachment insecurity. [3] Research from the University of Virginia similarly found that one-year-olds with frequent overnights were more likely to display behavioral problems and insecure attachment patterns by preschool age. [4]

These studies do not suggest that non-primary parents should be excluded. Instead, they support developmentally appropriate parenting plans where overnights are introduced gradually and only after a secure attachment has been established with both parents.

It’s important to clarify that “primary parent” is a practical, not legal, term. In many families, both parents are actively involved in caregiving. The role does not default to the mother, and fathers often serve as primary caregivers. Still, during a separation or divorce, maintaining equal contact can be difficult without compromising the child’s emotional and developmental well-being. The priority must be on the child’s need for continuity and security.

Colorado Law: A Flexible Standard

Colorado does not mandate equal parenting time. Courts apply the “best interests of the child” standard under C.R.S. § 14-10-124, considering factors such as the child’s emotional and physical needs, adjustment to their environment, and each parent’s ability to support the child’s well-being.

This flexible standard allows courts to adopt parenting plans that reflect the unique needs of infants and toddlers. Equal time may become appropriate as the child matures, but in the earliest years, consistency and emotional safety are often more important than symmetry in scheduling.

Best Practices for Parenting Infants During Separation

Parents are in the best position to understand and meet their child’s developmental needs. Colorado courts encourage parenting plans reached through cooperation and informed by the child’s best interests. For infants and toddlers, this often means prioritizing routine, emotional safety, and collaborative co-parenting.

Here are a few practical recommendations for parents and professionals crafting parenting plans for infants and toddlers:

• Start with regular, predictable daytime contact for the non-primary parent to build attachment.
• Introduce overnights slowly as the child becomes comfortable and securely bonded with both parents.
• Maintain similar routines (sleep, feeding, naps) across households to reduce disruption.
• Keep the child shielded from parental conflict, even if subtle. Young children are highly sensitive to emotional tone and stress.
• Revisit the plan over time to increase flexibility as the child grows and developmental needs change.

Conclusion

In family law, protecting the well-being of children goes beyond legal orders. It requires sensitivity to the emotional and developmental needs that shape a child’s future. For infants and toddlers, this means crafting parenting plans that reflect not just fairness between parents, but the realities of early childhood. The “best interests of the child” must be viewed through a developmental lens. Parenting plans should preserve secure attachments, minimize instability, and support the extraordinary growth that occurs in the earliest years of life.

Anne E. Klauck is an Associate Attorney at Griffiths Law. Anne’s practice is focused exclusively on family law related matters, including divorce, parental rights, post decree disputes and child support.

[1] McIntosh, J.E., & Booth, A.T. (2021). Special Considerations for Infants and Toddlers in Separation/Divorce, CEECD.

[2] McIntosh, J.E., et al. (2010). Parental Separation and Overnight Care of Young Children – Part I, Family Court Review.

[3] Solomon, J., & George, C. (1999). The Development of Attachment in Separated and Divorced Families, Attachment & Human Development.

[4] Tornello, S.L., et al. (2013). Overnight Custody Arrangements, Attachment, and Adjustment in Preschool Children, Journal of Marriage and Family.